I like the style for straight conversation. It works as long as there's a limited number of people, (I've done it with four) and you remember to give enough 'clues/identifiers' to who's talking. (Which you did.)
Instead of "..." you might try what's called an audible pause "um, uh, ah," they have no meaning but show the person is trying to think of something to say. I tend to use "I --.", "But --." or "You --."
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branchandroot
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Date: 2007-08-26 02:57 am (UTC)Instead of "..." you might try what's called an audible pause "um, uh, ah," they have no meaning but show the person is trying to think of something to say. I tend to use "I --.", "But --." or "You --."
Oh, I like the story, too.