Fic: Stabilizing Influence (1/1, Criminal Minds)

[thefrogg]

Title:  Stabilizing Influence
Author:  Frogg
Beta:  Nilandia and Jadesfire
Rating:  Gen, drug use
Comments/Warnings/Disclaimers:  Agent Ceara Tucker belongs to me.  Everyone else belongs to someone else.  Damnit.
Spoilers:  Through Revelations, particularly the Big Game, Revelations, and Profiler, Profiled
Sequel to:  Fractured Reflections, which is sequel to Personal Hell

"No pressure," Reid muttered as he made his way through the maze of hallways that made up Quantico.

'She already knows about...' Reid's mind skittered away from the truth.  'She reads the current case files, she told you months ago.  You don't have to tell her what happened, she already knows.'

"Hey, Reid."  A warm, welcoming voice interrupted his mental coaching.

Finding himself in the doorway of a room much like Garcia's sanctum, Reid managed a shaky smile.  "Tucker.  Thanks for..."

"Not at all."  The monitors darkened one by one, a row of dominoes tipping over and plunging the room into twilight.  "You hungry?" Tucker asked, turning around in her chair and standing, idly adjusting her short denim jacket.

"Yeah, I am."  Reid backed into the hallway, letting Tucker lock up her office.  "Starving, actually," he added after a moment.

"Good.  I made reservations at one of my favorite restaurants, and they don't skimp.  My treat."  She swept long white hair back over her shoulder and winked.

~~~

"I can see why you like this place," Reid said some two hours later as he chased the last of his brownie around the plate.  He finally smashed it flat in frustration and ate it off the bottom of the fork.

"Death by stuffed mushroom, aggressively raspberry vinaigrette....More food than even I can manage to put away."  Tucker toyed with a slice of bread as she glanced over the wreck they'd made of the table.  When she glanced back up, her grey eyes were filled with concern.  "You want to talk about whatever's bothering you, or you just want an afternoon out with someone who isn't going to push?  I can do either, but..."

"No, no. I n-need to talk about it, I mean, I..."  Reid swallowed hard, then started stacking empty plates near the edge of the table as he tried to gather his thoughts.

Tucker nodded and spread her hands in front of her.  "Whenever you're ready, then."

"Is-is there somewhere you want me to start?"

"Reid, it's just me here.  Ceara Tucker.  I'm not going to judge you, I'm not going to tell Hotchner, or Gideon, or anyone on your team, or even my own boss anything you tell me, ok?  Nobody else is here to overhear, that's why I reserved a room."  And she gestured to the handful of empty tables, the closed door leading to the tiny upstairs landing.  "You start wherever you want.  The most important part, the least, the beginning, middle, end, wherever.  All that matters is that you need to talk about it."

Reid nodded shakily, his hair falling into his face again, but he stayed silent, hunched in his chair.

"You want me to guess?"

A shrug of tense shoulders was the only answer he offered.

"Is this about Tobias?"

Reid jerked upright, nodding again almost violently.  Tears made a glistening stripe down either cheek.  "I...I n-need to give you...please don't..."

"Reid, whatever it is, it's okay.  I'll hold it for you, keep it for you.  You aren't alone."

Sniffing hard, Reid reached into his satchel and then across the table, spilling a pair of tiny glass vials from his hand.

There was no accusation, no expression of shock or judgement in Tucker's eyes; the concern and care never wavered as she picked up one of the vials and rotated it to read the label.  "Hydromorphone hydrochloride.  Better known as Dilaudid.  And a touch of LSD.  This is what Tobias gave you."  She tapped the vial with a neatly-trimmed nail.

Reid nodded.

"From the looks of these, they're the original vials."

Reid nodded again, adding a raspy, "They are."

Tucker turned the vial over in her hand, checking to see how full it was while she thought.  There was no way Gideon and Hotchner didn't know Reid had this.  No way Reid could have hidden it from the graveyard to the hospital and not have had it confiscated as evidence.  Not without...

But that wasn't her concern, and it would be better all around if she weren't the one to bring that up.

"You haven't taken any since," she finally said.  Statement, not question.

"I...I tried, I really did, but..."  Reid bit his lip.  "I kept getting interrupted."

"Did you ever try and take it at home?"

Reid blinked at her in confusion.  "No, I didn't.  I-I didn't need it then, we w-were on a case in Houston and..."  He trailed off at the gentle touch on his wrist.

"Reid...It's ok.  I don't need details unless you want me to know.  The point is, you didn't want to take it.  You only thought you needed it because you were in a situation where you'd either be discovered or interrupted."

Reid was shaking his head in denial.

"Can I tell you something?  Will you listen to me for a minute?  I mean, really listen, and think about it and not just brush it off as wishful thinking?  Can you do that for me?" 

Tucker waited for Reid to nod.

"You are a brilliant young man, and indispensible to the BAU, both professionally and personally.  However, there is a disconnect between your academic knowledge of what should be happening to you, and what actually is happening to you.  You're just too close to it to see yourself or your reactions to that case clearly.  That's why I'm here, to help you figure out what's going on so you can deal with it."  She smiled softly.  "I'm not going to lie to you.  You're going to have to fight every step of the way.  But you won't be alone for any of it, and I can already tell you you have the strength to see this through."  She pointedly set the vials of Dilaudid upright on the table, rotating them so the labels faced Reid squarely.

"Morgan said the same thing," Reid offered quietly.  "I mean, that it'll take time."

"Morgan is a very smart man," Tucker said, her voice gentle.  "I can't fix things for you, no matter how much I wish I could.  But I can help give you the tools you need to heal."

Reid answered quickly, almost frantically.  "Yes, please."

"You up for this afternoon, or you want a couple of days?  I already cleared it with my boss, so it's up to you."

"Hotch s-said I could take a few days, un-unless there's a case," Reid whispered.

Tucker nodded.  "So, give him a call and tell him you'll see him Thursday unless there's a case."

"O-okay."  Reid fished his phone out, and, after a reassuring glance at Tucker, hit speed dial.  "Hotch?  It-it's Reid, I just wanted to tell you I'll be back Thursday..."