Fic: By Any Other Name (Stargate: Atlantis)

[thefrogg]

Title: By Any Other Name
Author: thefrogg
Beta:  none
Pairing:  Lorne/Ronon
Rating: PG13-ish
Disclaimer:  Everyone belongs to other people.  Damnit.
Summary:  Ronon wants to go back.

"I want to go back."

Lorne glances sideways, away from the ocean; Ronon's blunt statement had been spoken too fast.  "To Sateda?"  It was the only place that made sense.

"Some of my people survived, but--" and Ronon stops.

'Your culture is dying,' Lorne doesn't say, but Ronon can read it in the silence between them.  "I'll suggest a trip to Sheppard, if you like."

Ronon only grunts in answer, then takes a few swallows of water before turning, breaking into a smooth run much faster than Lorne can keep up with.

Beautiful as it is, the sunrise holds no answers and scant comfort, and Lorne returns to his own duties.

~~~

Colonel Sheppard agrees to the trip immediately; with all the effort the Lanteans have put into helping the Athosians, they have no excuse not to do the same for Ronon.  Then he offers to make it a joint mission, Sheppard's and Lorne's teams both exploring the ruins of Sateda to recover Ronon's cultural history.

Major Lorne turns him down, then the offer of the entire mission, with Ronon joining his team.  "I know he needs my support for this, John," Lorne says finally, "but the only way I can be there for him is to not go.  I can't be a part of this."  A week will pass, perhaps longer, before Ronon will return; they've set aside that much time to explore, and have longer if anything of significance is found.  Lorne knows this, and knows that Ronon will return silent and guarded, uncomfortable beneath the sympathetic glances of his teammates and unable to show it except in hiding.

~~~

Eight days later, Ronon returns with crates of books, religious items and military uniforms.  His eyes are dark shadows set in a blank mask, his demeanor subdued, and Lorne cannot help but wonder about what Ronon had seen there.

They had planned to take a Jumper far from the gate, looking for areas that had escaped off-world looters.

"Here," Ronon says as he hands Lorne a box of singed manuscripts, the first word he's spoken since returning to the city.

Lorne resigns himself to silent gruntwork, one of many of the military drafted to help transport the findings; he is painstakingly careful with what Ronon gives him, setting it down gently once they've reached the empty rooms Ronon had claimed for the purpose.  In the weeks to come, these rooms will become a library and memorial to the people of Sateda.

He cannot help but wonder if one day Atlantis won't be more museum than city.

~~~

Only Ronon's appetite isn't diminished that evening, a mountain of almost-beef stroganoff succumbing to the 'eat when you have the opportunity' instinct still too deeply ingrained to be ignored.  His teammates try in vain to draw him out, getting few grunts and no eye contact until Lorne appears at Ronon's elbow, softly asking permission to join him.

"Seat's free," Ronon mutters, moving his elbow out of the way.

Lorne tries to ignore the lessening tension as he sits down, pressing his leg against Ronon's under the table in silent support.

"We're going back."  Ronon doesn't look up, barely pausing between bites.

Sheppard nods slowly.  "All right.  When do you--"

"Not the team, just me and Lorne.  Tomorrow," Ronon clarifies, rolling his eyes up to meet Sheppard's gaze, then looking pointedly to McKay.

"Huh."  

And that's all Sheppard will have to say about that, Lorne knows.

~~~

Sleep comes disturbingly easy for Ronon, head pillowed on Lorne's chest, one arm flung across his stomach.  Lorne shifts the hand buried in Ronon's dreads, staring up at the ceiling; despite the eight-day separation, the pain radiating from the big Satedan's body is more than enough to quell any hint of arousal.

This isn't what he'd expected; very little in Atlantis is.  He hadn't expected to find the best CO he'd ever worked under, much less that Sheppard would become a close friend.  Or that his team would be his family, much like what he'd seen of SG-1 back on Earth; they'd had a bond that was envied, and not just by Lorne.

Certainly not that Ronon, arguably the scariest, most bad-ass warrior in Atlantis, would come to him, clutching the tattered remnants of his cultural identity, and offer him what Sheppard could not accept.

Ronon clutches at Lorne, shifting restlessly in his sleep; Lorne feels his eyes sting, his heart swell with gratitude.

Ronon had offered him companionship out of honor and duty and had faint hope it would be accepted, but risked it anyways; even love had other names here.

Comments

[kiku65.livejournal.com]

*huggles Ronon and Lorne*

[thefrogg.livejournal.com]

::tries to catch up with comments while moving/attending family events::

I have...a huge essay-long thing to say about this fic. I don't know if it'll get written, but I will say this:

Despite all the bad technique and just plain wrong I read in this after umpteen thousand read-throughs, this fic is the first one -- I think ever -- that just...flowed. It's like it wrote itself, and even all the wrongness in it had a point.

That said...

Ronon and Lorne just need hugs.:) Glad you enjoyed.

[bluflamingo.livejournal.com]

That's a really cool idea - I like the thought of Ronon going back to find his own culture, and wanting to share it with someone else. Lorne's line about the city becoming more museum than city works really well - it sounds like something he'd think, and it captures the mood of your story.

[thefrogg.livejournal.com]

I can just see Ronon clinging to what little he has left -- mostly cultural identity, his duty as defined in Satedan civilization -- just to maintain his equilibrium now that his life isn't just on the run.

It bothers me, at least a little, that the expedition put so much emphasis on the Atlantean database and records and history, and put so little effort into A) remembering their own and B) making sure that the civilizations that have been destroyed, particularly those that they've had a hand in destroying (Hoff, Athos...I'm sure there are others) aren't forgotten.

I actually have more in this universe, but the biggest piece is several centuries in the future.::stares::

Thank you for the comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed!

[chatona.livejournal.com]

That's just gorgeous-- I really love the soft and understated way of their relationship in this and how it's yet so important. And I do love the angst, too ~

[thefrogg.livejournal.com]

You know, it occurred to me, long after I finished it, that instead of the story being about the relationship, and how other events and circumstances affected it, that this was a story about other events and circumstances and how the relationship supported/affected them.

It was a reversal I really haven't given much thought to, or played with.

I think angst is my middle name by now. Or at least, it should be.

Thank you so much!

[chatona.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's pretty much what I meant to express only in more and more eloquent words. I like the effect it has on the story, though, and I think it makes the relationship appear more.. solid, maybe. Because outside of divorces and teenage drama, life only very rarely revolves around relationships only.

Angst is good. I like angst ♥

[jett-chan.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what it is about this piece, but it really gets you to feel something. Usually I only get that from music or art, very rarely does it happen from fanfiction. I think it might have been the last few lines of this that really hit me.

This is very well done. Miss Mod #1 and I hope to see plenty more from you. I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your work~